The Parent Trap
Advertisement
Text size: small | medium | large
By Jody Lee
radio host, author, political and lifestyle blogger, media consultant
Published: May 26, 2009
“I see my folks, they’re getting old. I watch their bodies change. I know they see the same in me and it makes us both feel strange. No matter how you tell yourself it’s what we all go through, those eyes are pretty hard to take when they’re staring back at you.”
Bonnie Raitt sang those words in the song “Nick of Time”. And those of us over 40 are living those words and realizing for perhaps the first time how true they are. There’s no getting around it.
I find myself looking at my parents – both of whom I am blessed to still have here to enjoy and love – and always being somewhat surprised to find them aging. Aged. I see them often so it does not strike me every time – just every so often. And when it does strike me, it won’t let go. I’m trapped with my thoughts. The parent trap, so to speak.
I will hug my mom and notice how fragile she feels. How sometimes her hugs have a sort of clinging to them, as though she is kind of holding on. To me? To life? I don’t know. Where she used to wrap me up in her arms when I was young, now I seem to be the one wrapping her up instead.
Dad is so boisterous and cheerful that it is even harder to remember his age. But as with mom, sometimes it just hits me. It doesn’t exactly scare me. More like it catches me off guard. There is something in both his and mom’s dna that has kept them both from becoming extremely wrinkled so they actually look younger than they are. I guess that adds to the surprise of it when I stop and consider their age.
The lyrics to that song came to me out of nowhere today and got me to thinking about how THEY must look at ME. And my sisters, for that matter. Does it make them feel old when they see that their children are now in the 40s and 50s? Can they wrap their heads around the idea of having kids that age? Is it as surprising and unsettling for them to consider my age as it is for me to consider theirs?
I don’t spend much time thinking about my own aging. I guess that for some, thinking about their parents age makes them feel old themselves. Not for me. So far the benefits of my own aging have far outweighed any negatives. God, please let that always be the case.
I guess it’s time to pick my folks’ brains a little. Ask them how it feels to have a kid my age. Dad is always open to conversations like that. Mom is open, too, but I have to pick my moment.
Just rambling. One of those things you think about every now and then when you reach our age.
Page 1 of 1
Post a Comment
(Requires free registration)
- Please avoid offensive, vulgar, or hateful language.
- Respect others.
- Use the "Report Inappropriate Comment" link when necessary.
- See the Terms and Conditions for details.
Click here to post a comment.
Can't find what you're looking for? Try our quick search:
Reader Reactions
Posted by ( Next ? ) on May 28, 2009 at 11:25 am
dadw, I admire your efforts to care for your mother. Too many people today stick a parent in a nursing home and forget about them. Some have no choice but to seek help from a home health care nurse or a retirement home or care facility because circumstances does’t allow them either the time or the ability to handle the task themselves. God has a special place in heaven for those that don’t forget their parents when it’s their turn to be cared for by the child.
Both my parents have Alzheimer’s at different levels, mother is a little more advanced than dad. Once when my dad was hospitalized, not related to alzheimer’s, a nurse said to me “I feel sad for you because most people only have one parent with alzheimer’s to deal with and you have both parents with the desease that has to be a nightmare”. I thought about that for a couple of seconds and said “ not really because God allows me and my family to still have the two of them with us”.
The sad days for me will be when, and if, they can’t remember who I am.
Report Inappropriate Comment
Posted by ( dadw5boys ) on May 28, 2009 at 3:45 am
Jodie, Now there is a book !
Story’s of our mother. Like the flags of our fathers but from the supportive roles our mothers played.
While my father was in the military my mother use to carry me with her to a farmers corn field where she worked for $0.50 cents a day hoeing weed in his corn.
Then she worked at the old Stienway Clothing Factory here in Johnson City for 24 years as a Steam Presser.
The things our mothers did when hard time hit like working 2 jobs when the husband was sick to pay the house paymens and support the family.
These things women espically in this area need to be reconized for. All the long hours of work and raising a family should not be so easily forgotten and not pasted on the their Grand children.
Why not encrouage kids to collect storys of their Grand Parents for a collection like the Applichian Story telling at ETSU. I bet they would love to have those for thier collection and this way kids would learn how Gistory is actually written too.
Report Inappropriate Comment
Posted by ( dadw5boys ) on May 27, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Never thought I would live long enough to be changing my mothers diapers but that day is comming fast.
I now pay a lot more attention to my mother since I realized her memory loss was getting bad fast.
Got her to the Doctor and went in the room with her this time. She had not beem telling me everything. Now she is on Insulin with blood sugar of 343 that day.
I am drawn more and more to her side to protect her from herself. Trying not to argue with her about her diet and getting her to eat more salads and less corn bread or fried food. Found myself fighting the fact she has to have someone there nearly 24 hours and surrendering only to find out there are so few people willing to sit with my mother for what I can afford right now.
So daily I go put her up and now bring her to my home where I can control her diet and everything she is exposed to.
I hospital bed sit where the recliners once were incse she need to sleep during the day. The kids love having grandma around in the afternoon and hardly complain when she has an accident but they do not like shampooing the carpet.
My dad called my to come home 2 weeks before he past and I promised I would take care of mom for him. But I sure do wish my sister lived a little closer.
I am up and down all night long with my owm medical problems so having my mother live with me is not a good idea.
So most days I drive slowly down the road half asleep just trying to get to her and make sure she is alright if she does not feel like answering the phone.
She is almost 80 years and I wornder what I would be like to deal with at her age. I sure hope I have her patients with others. She insipres me to accept other people without judging them too quickly. I am trying to measure up to her.
Report Inappropriate Comment
Posted by ( Next ? ) on May 26, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Jody, my parents are 76 and 80 years young. If you haven’t already and what to know more about your family tree now is the time. Don’t do as I almost have and let the chance slip away. For my parents to remember family history events that occured when they were much younger are getting harder to but into thought as time goes by.
I tell my two adult children, remember what you see that I have to do for my mother and dad, your grandparents, because someday you may be doing the same for me and your mother.
Report Inappropriate Comment