By Jody Lee
radio host, author, political and lifestyle blogger, media consultant
Published: January 20, 2010

Listen.  I’m not sure what the official definition of “fashionista” is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t quality.  Nevertheless, I do love a good dish.  And as I creep ever closer to that anticipated age where I can officially say whatever I want with no more repercussion than an offhand “Oh, she’s a senile old so-and-so, never mind her”, I occasionally like to practice saying exactly what’s on my mind. 

I practice for the day when I can unload on the people around me, by – for now – unloading on celebrities.  And at the awards show this week, they gave me much to work with.

Ah, good times.

Mariah Carey – have you lost your mind??  You ridiculous slut puppy, put those things away before you hurt someone.  Yes, we all see that you have boobies and we are very happy for you.  Now get some therapy.  And a turtleneck. 

Monique – darlin’, I got no problem with you not shaving your legs.  For years.  Whatever.  But when you are on national tv, DO NOT hike up your skirt and make a point of showing us the mass of tangled fur working its way from ankle to knee on your legs.  We do NOT want to see that.  Ick, ick, ick, shudder.

Tina Fey – Really?  All that money, access to any top designer, and that is what you come up with.  You poor clueless girl.  I hoped maybe you were making a statement or something - - but no.  Just a dress so nasty you made Mickey Roarke look well dressed.  Stop now.  Have a good cry (I know I did when I saw you), fire whoever tells you what to wear, and buy an issue of Vogue.  Heck, buy an issue of Field and Stream – I daresay you’ll find better fashion choices there than the one you made on Globe night.

Sandra Bullock – Everyone is making such a big woo-hoo about you kissing Meryl Streep on the mouth.  Don’t you pay them any mind.  Meryl Streep is a gracious goddess whose acting talent is nothing less than mind-blowing – heck, I’D kiss her on the mouth if I was standing next to her, too.  Closed-mouth, naturally.  I’m not an animal.